Nowt really

                                              

I know i come across as confident, in control, competent and a strong person...Am not really at all...I am actually quite shy, doubt everything i do, and admittedly put myself down a heck of a lot...I can be strong for the boys when i need to be and the way they are has forced me into being a stronger person...Emotionally they can really drain me out and i guess this week has been one of those times when i feel washed up and drained about them...Well not guess i know LOL i just hate admitting it to anyone...Psychiatrist thinks am laid back and calm YEAH RIGHT...Well that's what most people think to be honest as that's what i let everyone see...Having both the boys reviews so close together which has never happened before has thrown me into turmoil more than i would like...I am very proud of them both...They are both far exceeding any expectations i had for them when they were younger :o) ...But that nagging doubts still remain at back of my mind...Autism can change at click of a finger and i remember vividly something the head of the scottish society for autism residential school saying way back when G was 3 and newly diagnosed...They take children in from age 5 (i think) right through until they are 18...The difference and improvement in most of them over the years was fantastic...Then it came for time for them to leave that safe, secure sanctuary they knew...And quite a few of them reverted back to what they had been like when they were young and just started there...G is 16 in 2 weeks time and legally could leave school in may after his exams if he wished to...M is 15 in may and could legally leave school a year later...I am beginning to worry about life once school is over and what it will hold for them...Ok i did worry about it for K too but that's a different kind of worry...G is extremely highly intelligent and he will have and can obtain qualifications needed to hold down an extremely good job...The social skills to get through an interview to obtain the job are lacking

G when he was diagnosed was far more severely autistic than M has ever been...His progress has been amazing and now he would be classed less severe than M...What i said about their reviews M probably came across better than G but that is only because his school have such a different attitude...G does lack confidence in his abilities...He never used to until the last year and a half...It's the head of his base who is eroding that confidence and she can't see that it is HER fault...Sometimes i think because he is so capable academically that she needs to justify why he needs her...She rarely points out his good points and always seems to try and find something to pick on in his reports...It's not fair and i really don't know what to do...The current educational psychologist he has is a bit rubbish to be honest...I have had her before several years ago for M and she was rubbish then too...It's like no-one should argue with the base and point out faults...I know i am NOT the only parent who has/had issues and we're made to feel like we are in the wrong and should be grateful we have that facility here...Well yes i am grateful we have the base...But 2 more have opened in the city now and they don't treat the kids at those ones the same as they do in G's...If i could move him i would but he doesn't want to change schools...Also when he leaves if he does get into uni or college then uni the base will make out it was all their doing and take all the credit...Hmmm yes they played a part but it will NOT be all because of them...I know that i have invested most of my time and effort in both my sons to get them to how they are now...My marriage broke up, K really didn't get all the attention she deserved, i don't get ME time as such...G himself has adapted and changed and learnt to cope and deserves more credit than the base LOL

Hmmm sorry i am moaning and ranting and i shouldn't...I had somesome round from VSA on wed afternoon to talk about a new worker(s)...Actually me and her have known each other for over 20 years since we were at college together...We did different courses like, she was on same course as my flatmate...See i had to tell her how M can be and what is needed in a worker for him...She did have a female worker we could have temporarily but even though the boys know her and she is young i said not really...Well okies for a stand in but not permanent...M really needs a male, just for simple things like beingaccompanied to the toilets etc...I don't want him to keep using disabled loos, i'd like him to use the gents...It was hard telling her how his temper can be and saying how he can physically hurt me and i did cry a little bit...Now that is only because i know her i have told the pyschiatrist and the social worker but not cried...Having to talk about them so much over last fortnight has got me down...Am away next weekend and to be honest am not in the mood for going but i have to...Can't back out now LOL...Just all my plans for going away have been falling apart at the seams...Anyways am offski to the bakers for something bad but nice to have with a coffee...Don't worry please as i'll be all back and bouncy probs laters today LOL...Oh don't want any symp or hugs or anything like cos this is just life how it is and you cope :o)

Toodle pip tc xx