Managed to drag myself out to go as far as ATM machine yesterday...I really want to go to the gym but don't have energy just now...Popped into garage to rearrange MOT...their phones had been on the blink and the mechanic was going to phone and cancel mine anyways...the owner is on holiday and apart from the apprentice the other 2 mechanics were off sick...So nice mechanic blokey was glad i hadn't turned up LOL...Now going in next tues and i have warned him he needs to tighten up handbrake again as it's gone a wee bit slack since brakes were fixed...The strikes affecting the schools have been called off this week...As it was M was going to be off and G in at school...Council had arranged that from 4th -6th year in secondary schools would be in as they have their exams in may and can't afford to miss time off.
Spoke to social worker yesterday so we're going to try and find something else for G...Really the respite is for me, he is far too capable to be going to where he goes just now...So is M and we will be trying to find a replacement for him also...Actually social worker said that M is far more capable than she was led to believe...On paper he's at sen school, he isn't doing mainstream school work, etc etc...As she said he is one of the most able pupils in his school and if he'd had same opportunities as G educationally then he'd be in different place now...I always knew that but he is getting there and at his own pace...There's plenty in mainstream don't pass exams and do very well in life...Tomorrow he has a conference at the exhibition centre...It's for around 179 pupils from across the city from sen and mainstream schools...He has been one of the pupils involved in the organisation of this conference :o) It is about the new additional support for learning act (2005) in scotland...They will be discussing it and how it affects them...See he always gets involved in things like this and does extremely well at putting his views across so who needs standard grades LOL...Social worker did say that she had noticed a huge difference in both their reviews and attitude between the schools...Well in G's case the base...Advice being to try and ignore head of his base as much as possible...It's damned hard when she writes home derogatory stuff though and trys to tell me how to be a parent...I also spoke to social worker about K...Basically to get across i need as much outside support for the boys put in place soon as poss.
I've always coped fine with the boys and how they are...I don't take no for an answer and will push to get what i feel they need and what i need...I won't put up with professionals i feel are not doing their job or i feel are trying to fob me off...After 14 years i guess that has taken it's toll...It was easier when their father still lived near here and had them to stay every 2nd weekend...Although his attitude was about as pants as some so called professionals it gave me a break...Until feb last year i hadn't had a break for nearly 3 years...By break i mean overnite one and not just them being away daytime...I will get back to coping properly and stop being daft and feeling sorry for meself...I will still see my doctor and if i need pills then so be it but i don't want to be on them long term...This has all really just come about because there was so many things about the boys very very close together (never happened before) and what is happening to K...I know i said i was going to stop writing in here for a bit but i don't think i can...I can be a damned good actress and come across face to face like someone very strong, capable and coping very well...Often inside i am not...I do feel am at a point now where the professionals i am seeing i feel comfy with, i trust and i do feel i can let them see the truth...Often in past this has not been the case and the face would go on and the wall would go up...K doesn't want me to worry about her...She always tries to protect me from how she is...Told her i do worry and i will worry...Bless her she thinks i have enuff to worry about with her brothers...I will feel happier when she is home and i can actually try and do something about finding out why she is ill...I'll get my don't mess with me persona on and not take any crap off whoever i manage to get to see her LOL...You know writing this i always get told off by everyone for putting myself down...Well yeah i do, it's self defence but one thing i do know is i will stand up for my kids regardless...The boys being how they are have taught me to be and made me far stronger than i ever was...That does carry over into other areas too (like my divorce <ggg>) I so want to go and give K's gp at uni a piece of my mind but i can't...I will be dialling 999 when she is at home as the situation has got to a ridiculous point and in my view a dangerous point as regards her health...I will keep writing here but forgive me if it comes across a bit moany, self centred and like am sorry for myself...Am not sorry for myself but sometimes when writing about them it does come across that way...At end of the day i am only human am not superhuman and being a carer is damned hard work and a job i wouldn't wish on anyone...I know some who read here are or have been carers as a job...That's damned hard to and low paid...It is different when it's your own flesh and blood you are a carer for though wether it be an elderly infirm parent, a child or a partner with some disability...Going for coffee now and i do still have my sense of humour...Font in text at top is called valium and text in name at bottom is called yellow pills <ggg>
toodle pip tc xx
7 comments:
Never apologise Cath .We actually want to be here for you ,and if putting this into your journal helps then yes ...I'm reading it ,I was a carer in some ways in my job ,but at the end of the day ,I could go home ,or if called out ,would always have someone to refer to ,and fall back on ,you are often on your own with all this and no let up 24/7..........Jan xx
Sorry to hear you are feeling crap with no energy. Hope the social worker finds something else for G, i know what it is like for you, i see many parents some of them single in the same situation in my job. We see to younger people, sometimes children and not just the elderly and infirm. People need the break with respite care for the person they are looking after so good luck with that.
As for K you must get her sorted once she is home, you will be doing the best thing by calling 999, you all need to know what is wrong, sooner rather than later. I also know what you mean by saying that you can come across like some very strong person, i can be the same and don't ask for help when i really need it so i just rabble on in my journal - it helps!
Jo xxx
Alas no alert for this entry..................glad I came to look........;))))))
Caff hope you are feeling better soon ~ You must get K sorted Caff ~ when shes home take her to the hospital ~ Glad I read this one would have missed it as No real alert ~ Ally
{{{{}}}}} hugs are about all I can offer right now, but do whatever you need to get yourself sorted
hope you feel better soon Caff. Being a carer is a really really hard job, even more so when it is no one but two of your own. You sound like a mum having normal reactions to me, not at all whiny. If you cant sound off in your journal, where can you sound off. Hope the MOT goes ok next week ..............Jules xxx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/jules19642001/Itsmylife/
i agree with everyone who says don't be so hard on yourself. What you have to put up with from everyone and everything it's not surprising you feel down. I hope you will find a way to bring yourself back up.
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