Fuming

Not a happy bunny at all today....Was going to phone youngest school but decided to phone child & family psychiatry first....Well they haven't received a referal about him at all.....Now it was back in feb that school gp said on phone she would refer him and say it was URGENT....When he had his medical in march she still hadn't and she said she would do it when she got back to the hospital.....Now erm this is like a whole month later and she still hasn't GRRRRRRRRRR am so damned angry....Also receptionist at C & F psych said the last record they have about him is his file being closed last sept.....Now clinical psych said last aug she didn't need to see him anymore but she would keep his file open for 6 months just in case......Now i know am crap at maths but aug to sept is like ONE month not six!!!!!!  More anger GRRRRRRRR.....So after getting off phone to C & F psych, having been polite and nice to receptionist as not her fault, i phone school.....My friend who is school receptionist gets head of school to speak to me.....Friend is NOT impressed and has a son same as eldest so understands all the crap.....Head of school is even less impressed but hey school GP is away on a course....<mutters> they always away on bluddy courses.....So school GP not in until next fri now.....Now C & F told me i could get own GP to refer him...Told head this and she said to do that and she would have words with school GP next week but not tell her have also got him refered from elsewhere.....School are very very understanding....We all do think it is his hormones kicking in big time and not mixing with the autism :o(  Have actually been dreading this time arriving and eldest has coped fine with them.....This was supposed to be <lots of expletives deleted> URGENT.....Maybe if i bruised easily school GP would take more notice of me....I have been incredibly lucky i have not come across many professionals who have been complete and utter crap in the last 13 years of dealing with ASD.....When i am in really, dire, desperate need i get the worst one ever <sigh>  My mums upset as she can't help, i know she has probs told my 2 sisters and they can't help either....Mum said in good old mum fashion look just phone me and talk to me....Said erm nopes i do phone and if i was to phone everytime this happened i'd never be off the phone.....Haven't phoned best mate as she got enough problems with her bloke (next to useless him).....Did phone another friend tonight and ended up crying but hey that's what mates are for.....She has son same as youngest (cept he is a bit more calmISH)...she also has same GP and as he's popular and only works 2 days a week is very very hard to get appointment....WAs asking her if she thought if i explain i NEED to see him to get referal could they fit me in somewhere on tues.....Mon is local holiday here (my timing sucks lol).....Neither of us are sure but we do think GP will phone back if can't see him as he's good that way :o) .....Now i do wonder how neurologist (i call him neurologit) would think if he saw me now....Was tested for MS a couple of years ago as have on & off attacks of similar symptoms....Neurologist knew about boys as asked family history and says is just stress.....Well i am more stressed than ever in my life this last couple of months and hey got NO attacks of anything cept for anger.....hmmmm stairway to heaven just come on love this song....See am beginning to think i need to say am suicidal or something to get what i need for my son...Did tell friend on phone tonight i really feel like taking him somewhere and leaving him and saying 'Right deal with this NOW' This was what made me cry i love him to bits, i say i'd do that, i wouldn't not ever, just frustrated....Am not am just damned angry, frustrated and pissed off big time....He came home angry today and been angry most of the night but he didn't lash out physically (thank goodness) just verbally....He didn't break any more stuff either <phew> I refuse to get door fixed i want it seen as evidence need help....Did manage to do support group newsletter both email and royal mail ones....Going to go do a quiz or have a chat and calm down...Next time gonna do a nice entry on here LOL....Toodle pip for now xx