Bad days

Well i don't exactly to know how to word this entry politely or without embarrassment....It's so hard at times and i do need to write this down.....And i am not looking for sympathy or anything like that in the slightest.....As said before and on my blurb bit about me both my sons are autistic spectrum....Sometimes they are passive and sometimes they can be violent....I have one of each and which is worst i do not in all honesty know....Am glad i don't bruise easily at times but then at other times i think well if i did bruise easily then TPTB may see me more quickly or pay more attention to my need for help....I have always coped well with both my sons and have been extremely fortunate that i haven't had to push for diagnosis.....I haven't had to fight to get them the education they need and deserve.....I haven't had to fight for most things that others have and do need to fight for.....In those respects i have been very very lucky indeed.....BUT i NEED overnight respite, I NEED help with my youngest son desperately.....Yesterday he punched me in the throat yet again for something so insignifant......This time i told him i would phone the police as i can't cope with it anymore.....All i had done was ask him to take through some dirty dishes from his room.....I keep telling ALL my kids am a mum not a servant/slave and they have got to do their bit around the house.....This has always been a point that neither of the boys have managed to take very well.....But we do get their at times and maybe sometimes i do give up too easily but peace and quiet is easier to cope with.....Youngest is supposed to have been refered back to child & family psychiatry....I specifically asked school GP that she put down URGENT in big bold red letters on the referal.....I haven't been able to get a hold of school GP today.....Social work i have no named social worker from disabilities team just now so have to deal with a back up worker which means going through everything every time i phone them <sigh> ......If i knew for definite the referal had gone through then i could phone that dept and ask to be seen ASAP before i crack up totally and my other son and daughter do that too....I love youngest to bits same as with all 3 of them.....I know it's frustration and lack of comprehension that makes him how he is but both him and me need HELP before it gets to a point where nothing can be done.....He's so polite and caring and lovely lad then at flick of a finger turns into demon from hell.....I HATE autistic spectrum disorder.....It is so jekyll & hyde.....It's so hard to understand and even now after 13 years of dealing with it i still can;t get my head round it.....All i want is some help and maybe some meds so both my son can cope with his life and those around him can cope too.....Got to go as am in tears again writing this down but i had to.....Toodle pip for now xx