Bit stressed

Well i left it as late as possible to get youngest up to go to hospital for the dentist...We had to be there for 9.15am so i got him up at 8.45am...We only live about 5 mins drive from it so we were there in plenty time...Luckily we also got one of the disabled parking bays directly below the building we had to go into :o) ...I really thought he was going to refuse point blank and not get the treatment done yet again...This time he got more of a pre med and they left him ages to get woozy...He still became wide awake alert when taken into the dental suite...Took one look at the machinery and started shouting NO...For shouting read screaming actually...As he had been wheeled through on a bed this time complete with padded sides up then it was easier to keep him held down...I so hate having to do that :o(  Makes me feel so bad having to hold him down and restrain him just to get some fillings and a tooth out...There was 2 nurses helping though and it wasn't his usual dentist...Might be a blessing in disguise that as he won't now see his dentist as being one of the evil people who tortured him...Anyway he got knocked out and i got told to come back in an hour...So i went had some brekkie in hospital cafe and sat outside reading a magazine as it is such a gorgeous and warm day here today :o) ...Coming round from the anaesthetic wasn't pleasant...Being autistic he can't cope with the disorientation...He was screaming and moaning so much they eventually decided to let him sit on a chair...Not long after they let me take him home even though technically he wasn't ready for it yet...They only let me do it as i was parked so close and lived so nearby...Plus i think they were a bit fed up of being called evil and torturers ROFL...I had to get his bro and sis down to help him get upstairs as was no parking near our flat...Took me 15 mins to get a parking space...When i eventually got in he was sound asleep in bed :o)

I hate trying to park where i live...My street is short and narrow...The main street it is off they took away tons of parking by chucking down double yellow lines for what reason no-one knows...I have tried to get a disabled parking space but i keep getting turned down...Get told can't have one as not in a wheelchair, have heart condition or amputee...It really annoys me as i know other families with autistic children who have been given one...My previous named social worker was going to harass them into giving me one but then he got a new job <sigh>...I've told them till am blue in the face that youngest maybe isn't any of the above, he may be a teenager BUT his road awareness skills are those of a toddler...I need to be able to park close to my flat because of his autism and they don't listen...Also i seem to be the only one around here that gets a parking ticket stuck on my car if am parked on double yellows with a blue badge...Ok i never have to pay the fine but i shouldn't be getting given a ticket in first place...I don't park on double yellows if it's a bus stop or right beside the junction...I park far enough from junction for another 2 cars to get behind me...Goodness only knows why the double yellows are so big in first place duh!!!...I have spoken to some of the parking wardens (maroon meanies) and queried it and been assured i shouldn't be getting one unless i am close to junction or on the bus stop on main street...I must keep getting the jobsworth LOL...

Well need to hang out more washing as it's a glorious sunny WARM day...The kind where a vest top and shorts could be worn although in my case shorts are a definite no no LOL...Toodle pip for now xx

Hmmmm

Eldest lad decided he'd been a wee bit sick just before his taxi was due...He did look a tad pale but he had to go down and tell them he wasn't well as i was indisposed when taxi arrived...He went back to bed and actually fell asleep LOL...Got text from best friend asking if i wanted to meet her in town so i said i would after all daughter was at home to look after eldest son...Wish i hadn't gone now LOL...Apparently we are going for a girls night out next weekend HURRAH!!! i don't get out often...So best friend made me buy some new clothes...More precisely best friend (hmmmm) made me buy 2 SKIRTS!!!!...I do NOT do skirts...You see best friend is girly, well not girly girly but more girly than me...Am more of a tomboy even at the age i am now...I love my trousers, jeans, scruffy tops, though i will confess to liking high heels...Love my footie, rugby, F1, motoGP and most blokey sports...So you see i can't possibly wear a SKIRT...Thought ok will just buy them to keep bet friend happy...Got home and grrrrrrrr at daughter...Told her best friend had made me buy not just 1 but 2 SKIRTS...Daughter was mega pleased and said good...So now am stuck with 2 skirts that i now need to buy tops to wear with them...

Youngest school had phoned whilst i was out but i wasn't back home in time to phone back...Asked youngest but he's refusing to say what happened <sigh>...Tomorrow is in service day...Now why do teachers need these now...They didn't happen when i was at school...I wouldn't mind if any of the schools my eldest had been at had taken the opportunity to get someone to go in on in service day to teach them about disabilities (specifically autism in his case) but they didn't...The good thing about tomorrow being in service day is youngest doesn't need to miss a day off school to go to hospital for dentist...Because of his autism he won't let dentist do any fillings or treatment...He will let dentist check his teeth but that is all...So when he needs any fillings he goes to hospital to get knocked out and get any treatment done whilst he is under...In february they tried to do it but he refused point blank to be knocked out :o( ...Luckily he didn't lash out physically just verbally...Tomorrow they will leave the pre med longer to take effect so that he is almost asleep by time he gets the injection, we daren't try the mask, and there will be less people in the theatre surrounding him...Lasttime there was the dentist, anaesthetist, and 5 nurses and me...I don't see why they had to have FIVE nurses there at the time!!!!...The dentist said there was too many people surrounding him as did i but we both got ignored <sigh>...Two of the nurses were trainees...So fingers crossed tomorrow they have the dentist, anaesthetist, ONE nurse and me until he is asleep then they can have as many as they want...That's if we manage to get that far...I have told him if he lets them do what they need to and he behaves then he can have a reward...I know it's bribery but sometimes i need to resort to it much though i don't want to and it doesn't always work...

I do like these colours even though the yellow isn't easy to read on the header...Anyways off to see what i can eat for tea and mutter some more about skirts <shudder> Toodle pip xx

playing again LOL

Hmmmm cousin walter colours would they be Scotland colours then???  See changed to navy with touch of gold :o) Actually i like this may just keep it...Must remember to see when next home weekend match is to phone get tickets as get them free...My fave word FREE <g> Let me know if i guessed correctly :o) Toodle pip xx

WOOHOO!!!!

WOOHOO!!!! earlier today i was jumping up and down like a demented elephant LOL...Was in shop when youngest came home from school and when i got back in he said he had news for me...Though uh oh what now, as you do, LOL...He said it's good news and he had a HUGE smile on his face...He's only gone and passed SQA access 2 in his french :o)  Well i started jumping up and down and hugging him and screaming with delight...Thought sod the neighbours <G>...Explanation for those who aren't living in Scotland (the best country ever <G>)...SQA is scottish qualifications authority...Standard grades are equivalent to GCSE's, Highers are equivalent to A levels...I had never heard of the access level before youngest started some this school year...Access is below level below standard grade...There are diferent gradings within access and am not entirely sure how they work but i presume similar to standard grade in that 1 is highest level...With access level they don't sit an actual exam but are continually accessed throughout the year...At youngest review back in march i got told he wouldn't actually be graded this year because he was too young...But at parents night back in nov the french teacher had said if he was going to be 14 before end of may then he would...Well he is and he has been and he's PASSED :o) ...Oh am so chuffed to bits for him i really am...This is a child who had previous SEN school got kept on same maths book for almost 3 years...NEVER got allowed to use the intelligence he quite obviously had...Old school started having problems with him and i kept saying to them he is BORED...You know am so pleased for him i could dance a jig naked round the block ROFL...Now that WOULD defo scare the neighbours...

Sorted my problem i had last night thanks to a very nice man :o) So cheers Stuart...The colour scheme was NOT tory colours though thank you very much TUTS...I never have and never will vote tory...It was LILAC...Might change to the patriotic ones as they are gers colours <G> Hmmmm rangers blue & white with a hint of red sounds nice to me...

Yesterday met a pal in town for a coffee and ended up shopping YUK...She persuaded me to try find sandals i had seen on telly but it was her who ended up with new stuff and me with nowt LOL...Do need to go shopping withdaughter for either a gold/beige evening bag or silver posh, dressy stilettoes...She has posh gold/beige stilletoes and a silver bag we just need the opposite go with whichever she likes best...Or as i said whichever is cheapest <G>...All her jewellery is silver so silver shoes seem better option...Yesterday evening she spent the whole night writing out and illustrating sayings she had found online...Will leave you with the one i thought was very apt and something we should all do...

Count your RAINBOWS  not your thunderstorms

Toodle pip xx

playing LOL

As you may have noticed i've been playing with colours and layout...Not entirely sure if am happy with it yet though...Also find it a bit strange that not just my journal but other ones i read have seemed to grow at some point this evening...As in writing has become huge LOL...Checked settings on AOL and on actual PC and everything is as it should be so no idea...If still same in morning i better check with someone far more technical than me as to what is wrong with it all...More than likely it will be something simple a bit like me <G> ...Do wish they did a better range of colours or didn't mix green in with the purple (grape option)...Don't do green ever it goes against the grain as a rangers fan...Not that i am bigoted in the slightest just don't like green :o) Think i might just play around some more tomorrow...Toodle pip xx

hey ho

Spent sunday doing nowt lol...Had tummy ache back and just wanted to laze on sofa watching san marino grand prix...Friend phoned just before start to see if i would come downstairs see her new car...Nice car she has now via motability so she can take her mum out as well as her son...She ordered me back indoors to lie down LOL...So lazed on sofa watching the F1...Was so pleased when alonso held off schumacher :o) ...Later decided to take youngest out to try get CD he wanted...Guess what woolies didn't have it in stock and neither did small virgin shop...He said for me to try get it today as he didn't want to walk anywhere else to get it...We did get him much needed new suede trainers...Left old ones in bin at shop as not only way too small but falling apart...It's taken me 2 months to manage to get him near a shop to get new ones...Did try buying a pair without him being there but he didn't like them, said they hurt his feet even though he had plenty room, so had to take them back...It's damn hard getting non lace up shoes/trainers for males unless they happend to be toddlers...Neither of the boys can do laces and refuse point blank to wear anything that needs lacing up...Anyway he not only got new *cool* trainers but ended up with a new hoodie style jacket without hood LOL...

Today i managed to get the brian mcfadden CD he wanted so much HURRAH!!!...Thank goodness for headphones is all i will say <G> Was such a nice day here i even got washing hung out and dried...Bets it rains tomorrow LOL...Daughter said head of youngest school had phoned whilst i was out at asda and in town getting the CD...Head said that letter had now been sent...HAHAHAHA!!!! Bit LATE as own GP already done that...Not head of schools fault though so better not get angry with her...Not done anything today either so now have flat like a bombsite, ironing again like mini alpine range and i so can't be bothered...Really must get my act together again and do something about all the mess...Boys had footie training and were in different teams and both teams won so great no arguments etc on way home...Went to WW and only lost half a pound...Mind you i really couldn't be bothered much with diet last week so own fault...Will defo get back on track good & proper this week and behave...Toodle pip xx

Feeling rather silly

Feel a bit daft and sheepish today...Yesterday went to support group meeting...There was only 3 of us there to start with then 2 latecomers...One new parent and we made her very welcome...We'd been discussing a few things and then i kinda cracked up a bit duh!!!...I NEVER crack up like i did yesterday in front of people...Felt especially bad as new parent there and she must now think am some kind of raving mad woman...Did try to assure her am not...One member has known me ever since eldest lad was diagnosed and she's never seen me like yesterday...That member works for carers centre and is now handing my name and details to a local group that give support and help to parents who are not getting the services they NEED...Also now have name of highest up person for social work within council <g> ...If head of disabilities team still says am not a high priority for getting new named social worker then official complaint will be going to the highest up boss...I know there is a lack of sw's on the team...Am not disputing that...I know parents with newly diagnosed children need help soon as possible...BUT mine are now coming to an age where they will be in transition between child & adult services...I know i can talk to a backup worker but that is frustrating to say the least...Here's the scenario:~

Me: Have a problem requiring social work so give them a call

Receptionist: Do you have a named worker and which team do you need

Me: No not since last june and it is the disabilities team

Receptionist: I'll put you on hold and see if backup worker is available

Me: twiddles thumbs thinking here we go again

Receptionist: Just putting your call through now

Backup:  Hello can you give me your details and what is the problem

Me: Give my boys names, mine, address etc and then say the problem

Backup:  Ok i have details on computer now could you give me background on X so i can see how i can help

Me: Now have to tell whole history of last 12 years in a sort of nutshell

Backup:  Might be better if someone comes out to see you or you come into the office.

Basically i am fed up of having to go through history of the boys before can even get onto whatever my current problem is...Last backup worker i had out for a visit (after weeks waiting) was good but would only discuss eldest future needs review...It would be much easier having a named worker and just the one voice/face to deal with...I need help with things for both boys and this seems to be a big deal for them...They will discuss one but not the other!!!...Sorry but am parent to 2 special needs teenage boys...IT is easier for me to discuss their needs with ONE person and not a succession of faces...Their care package is unaffected by this (thank goodness) except for playscheme...The funding for that is still reviewed yearly...Wonder if anyone remembers that...Doubt it...Other parents cannot understand why i am not a high priority for being allocated a named worker as soon as one is available...Hmmmm single parent, no family living close by, 2 special needs children, 1 in desperate need of help with complex issues...Description makes us sound rather bad which we aren't...Well we weren't when i did have named workers...I just wonder what does this idiot head of team think a high priority case is...He has no experience in the field he is head of...I met him once and come across as some kind of wimpy, wishy washy person mouthing words he didn't mean...If i had a named worker then i would be able to say what our needs are at current time in time allocated for a visit...As i don't then i don't have enough time to say what is needed...Am fed up of it all and angry and probs this why i cracked up and spent yesterday in tears...

Met best friend after meeting...Haven't seen her for over a week and she needs my help...She won't say that like but she does...So we went for a coffee and sandwich and had a good old blether...Gave her advise she needs and will always be around to support her...Especially with what is about to happen...she's always very supportive to me...not lacking in support and shoulders to cry on it is professional support i am currently lacking for first time ever (cept for own GP and schools)

Decided last night sod it going to have a drink...Lucky i don't get hangovers as drank an awful lot of vodka LOL...Feel so much better today...Still will email new parent and apologise as don't like impression i gave...Am always the one who is seen as a very strong person, offering advice, shoulder to cry on etc...Conclusion being i guess we can all be very vulnerable at times...

Today just spent chillin in morning...Took eldest lad to fun club, youngest wanted to stay at home watching sky...Daughter was in so that was ok...As youngest has been on best behaviour all week i told him he can have a reward...started doing this to try get behaviour under control LOL...Unfortunately sainsburys didn't have the CD he wanted...So tomorrow we will have to go into town to buy it...He has also decided he thinks he may be able to stand for gig by Brian Mcfadden locally...Seated is sold out as venue is mainly standing only...He loves new single and fortunately so do i...Never though would say that i really dislike westlife...Am in 2 minds if to get tickets or not...New single is called Demons...Now instead of jekyll & hyde i think angel & demon is better description of youngest...

Quickly before i go found another reason need named SW...Found a place that does respite holiday breaks...Need referal from social worker LOL...See how can someone do a referal unless they know the family...Sounds nice place as they take care of the special needs members whilst the other family members go out and do own thing and have a rest...Must remember apply for holiday grant (still not done it)...Anyways am less stressed today just sheepish and embrassed...Toodle pip xx 

Ponderings

Well daughter came home and said when i mentioned the wristbands that her young carers group had thought about doing some...Sadly they don't have the money and can't consider doing the minimum amount :o(  Have group meeting tomorrow morning so will ask for ideas for designs if we can afford to get it off the ground...We are going to be applying for grant money to fund projects with so i don't see why these can't be considered...The words fund raising spring to mind :o) ...Would love to be able to go see Tony Attwood in edinburgh soon but is way to costly but a colleague of a friend is going and will pass on any useful info to me...

Would also love to go to and even more want to go to Glasgow in aug for world sci fi convention...As you can see from my favourite sites i am a huge fan of the author Anne Mccaffrey...She is appearing at the convention as is her son Todd...All my earlier books by her are signed but i have never met her...I got them signed in a bookshop where i live but it was my ex who took them along for her to sign...He had some uses LOL...Daughter has warned she cannot brother sit in august as she has several things on herself...Mega peeved about it and wish i didn't know she was going to be there <sigh> ...Will just have to console myself with the latest dragon series book which her son Todd has taken over...May even go to local bookshop instead of amazon as don't want to wait that long to read now i think about it LOL...

Youngest has been reasonabley well behaved this week....Managed to get him to drink diluting juice (sugar free) without too much fuss...Been some spats but nothing physical :o) ...He made sausage rolls at school today which have been put in fridge for tomorrow...He won't eat them though LOL...He never eats much of what he makes although he does enjoy home economics so i am told...

Bought a mouse today that works LOL...highlight of my day that was...I did try cleaning the old one (ha only 7 weeks old) to no avail...Now have nice optical one with no ball that needs cleaning HURRAH!!!...Daughter did giggle when i said that have no idea why being the innocent i am <G> ...Off to bed in a bit after finding all the info i have put in the infamous safe place for meeting tomorrow...Toodle pip xx

trendy fads

A thought popped into my head earlier this evening when i got back from asda...Don't laff it does happen you know...Autism awareness week is soon and i was thinking of ideas for raising some money for local group...We already have autism ribbons that we sell at any event we are at...We got them last year and finally now any we sell the money is for the group instead of paying back the cost of the ribbons...Adults are happy enough to wear ribbons but teenagers and children don't really do they...So i though will do a search on the net to see if anywhere does autism or aspergers wristbands...you know the ones i mean those bands that are the in thing with teens everywhere and are instead of wearing a ribbon...Well i can't find any for the UK...After ages of fruitless searches i asked someone i thought might know where to find a place that could do some and she did :o) ...So after phoning chairperson of the group tomorrow i am going to telephone this company and see if we can get some made...If they can do a design i like then will get price costs from them and take it from there...Fortunately they according to the site they do substantial discount for registered charities, which we are...The minimum you can order is 500 which sounds a lot for a small group...However i don't think it would be that difficult to shift 500 bands...

Popped into ski centre whilst at asda and got told ski lessons should start up again next week HURRAH!!!  Eldest will still be on waiting list for snowboarding lessons so won't have to put his name down again...For once i am getting to be in charge of main TV (the only one with sky) and am watching grand designs...Love this prog just wish i had the money to be able to do up or build from scratch my own house...Youngest keeps saying if we win the lottery then we will have a huge 42" plasma screen TV in every room LOL...I say even in the bathroom and kitchen and he says well not quite so big but still a huge one LOL...In his dreams...I reckon he'd have a TV on every wall if he could...I can just see him sat on the PS2 playing the games on a 42" plasma telly rofl...Me i'd be happy with a nice house with enough of a garden to grow some veg and to chill out in...Oh and a decent sized pool...Youngest been fine today :o) fingers crossed he will behave for a wee while...Just realised this is 2nd entry today...Looking at telly i LOVE this house i too could be lazy enough to have a pad to touch that opens & closes doors for me LOL...Off to watch the remainder...Toodle pip xx

quickie LOL

When i signed on just now one of the new items on the welcome page caught my eye...I know that Jordan is laughed and derided by the majority of people in this country and yes i laugh at some of her antics too...I do however have a lot of compassion for her regarding her son...Now a lot of people will think she shouldn't say what she does about him and possibly think she is courting more self publicity through him...I don't...Why shouldn't she talk about him in interviews...As a parent of 3 children 2 of whom have disabilities i am never afraid to say what i feel and think about them...If it transpires that her wee lad also has autism on top of the other disabilities he has then then i feel very deeply for her as a fellow parent...I don't feel sorry for her that is the wrong word...I HATE people feeling sorry for me...And it doesn't matter who you are, famous or not, being told your child has some kind of special needs is a devestating blow...If i could in any way even just write a letter of support i would, same as i would to anyone in a similar position....And for a rather selfish point of view because she is in the media spotlight then maybe, if her lad does also have autism, it will raise more awareness to the condition...I do hope she is getting all the support she needs because believe me she will need it...She does come across as a very strong person and you have to be...Most look at any child throwing a tantrum out in public as a badly behaved brat who needs a good clip round the ear...I did myself in the past when i was younger and so did my family...Now we think twice and often give benefit of the doubt...We don't know if they are or if they have some condition that makes them this way...I have taught all my children wrong from right...With the autism the frustration gets so much they can lose the plot...Every parent wants to hear their child say mummy or daddy...What i would tell Jordan is don't lose hope that her lad won't...I had to come to terms at age 3 my eldest lad maybe would never say those words...Now he never shuts up :o) ...I have also known some who suddenly gained some speech when they were in their teens or older...Maybe i will go and look for somewhere i can write a short note to her saying so...After all there are several thousand of us out here who are in the same boat and whatever we may think of her as a person we can't not feel for her...Right i have got to go to Asda for food whilst i can without having to drag youngest in tow with me as he hates any crowded places...Toodle pip xx

Happy bunny :o)

Actually heard alarm go off this morning (i did set 3 lol)...got eldest up and off out when taxi came for him....half an hour later woke youngest up to get ready for school...Their taxis arrive an hour apart which i better than home time as some days one has to wait at one end of street whilst other drops off the other lad...My street is dead narrow and pokey and an absolute nightmare both to park in and actually get a space...Decided to be sneaky and phone surgery 5 mins before we're supposed to and if receptionist said anything would just claim their clock is slow <G> ...Surprised NOT at one line being engaged but got through on other line and refused to put down until someone answered...Got the LAST free appointment that GP i wanted to see had for today :o) ...Had brekkie and thought fine can have a wee nap before i go out.

Went to docs and low and behold no parking space...grumbles and mutters about lack of parking where i live...Is it any wonder i drag one or other of the boys with me if available so can use their blue badge in order to get parked anywhere....I digress so back to GP....I LOVE my gp he is wonderful and often i could quite cheerfully kiss him although am sure his wife would be annoyed lol....He is utterly disgusted with school GP and is doing an immediate VERY URGENT referal to child & family psychiatry for youngest....He listened to everythign i said and i didn't need to *fake* anything to him....He's known both boys since they were toddlers so he knows all about them and how they are and also he knows loads about autistic spectrum disorders....I didn't get a chance to mention pain in side but i will go see a different GP later in week about it...IF i have time...Pain has kinda disapated a bit today so no big hurry....Besides i think could be to do with what my mum so politely terms as womans troubles so would like to see female gp....I did get prescription for eldest hayfever meds....Not supposed to ask for meds for other family members whilst in for appointment but GP i saw today always asks if i need any for eldest whilst am there :o)  ....Seems daft to me that they know he gets chronic hayfever from march/april through to sept every year yet cannot get repeat prescription as more than 6 months since last one....I refuse to get him an appointment as if not first thing in morning then i end up doing around 30 miles going to get him, take him to gp, back to school then me back home...So am happy bunnykins today and finger crossed this appointment will be soon before i do end up doing something drastic...Oh and the sun was shinging and was a beautiful day :o) Toodle pip xx

PS: My mouse is being a pain must go buy new one from crappy world round the corner <sigh> I swear the kids wreck my mice LOL

Preparing for Battle

Was local holiday so was lazy so n so and didn't get up until 11.30am lol...Eldest was up and online after askign permission...Youngest was on PS2 and daughter was asleep so decided sod it am staying in bed...It wasn't the nicest of days as regards weather, bit overcast and windy and looked like would pour with rain at any point...Youngest was undeterred and still wanted to go down the beach to the fairground...Fortunately his carer was okies about it LOL...Think they both must have been freezing but youngest did enjoy himself...He'd like to go back when his fave mini roller coaster is open (was closed) and also on a better day so he can see a long way from top of the grampian eye (ferris wheel) ...He would like for his birthday party this year to be same as last year and have him and some friends down at the fairground LOL...Guess this year there be no girlfriend and i will limit to 4 friends to keep costs down...Last year one of his friends had broken his leg so wasn't much fun for him :o(  So maybe will do same this year so he can join in and have fun with them...The price they charge to me is a bit over the top considering it isn't that big and not a huge variety of rides plus they don't do discount for special needs or carers <humph>  Remember taking them to legoland in windsor 3 years ago and we got special pass so we could queue jump and both me and daughter got in free as carers...

Right tomorrow morning first thing phoning GP...Not sure if i will have to put on an *act* for receptionist that all depends on which one i get on the phone...Am not actually depressed or even suicidal but if that is what it takes to get to see specific GP tomorrow then i will do it <sigh> ...I know the GP won't be a problem it's getting past the receptionist that might be LOL...IF can't get to see specific GP then i will demand they get him to phone me back....I do now need to see a GP tomorrow for myself...I'll even see the useless one if i needs be...Got pain back in right side big time again and don't think it's appendix...think if it was then it would have burst by now duh!!! Once i get what i want from GP <g> then i will phone school tell them i have a referal now but i still want to have *words* with school GP...Also decided am gonna phone social work tomorrow too hehehe...Them i will have to *fake* how i am as i do believe, sadly, it is only way that i will get attention asap...Am afraid the head of disabilities team really doesn't know me well enough to realise i will NOT be fobbed off with any crap he tries to give me...Quite frankly he is rubbish, he has no idea of the disabilities of the children his team have to deal with...He's been there almost 2 years now and i have no idea where they took him from to replace previosu head of team but it certainly was NOT from a disabilities background...how stupid is that for crying out loud!!

Went to weightwatchers lost 2 n half pounds HURRAH!!! Was hoping for a wee bit more but it's a loss this week rather than a gain :o) Want to go to gym but can't because of stupid sharp stabbing pain in side...You know i always pooh pooed idea of going to gym in the past...joined this one because of the pool (it's lovely) then after a while thought hmmm better start trying to use the equipment...Strangely i have found i actually enjoy the rowing machine, treadmill is fine as long as i have my earphones in listening to music, cycling i tolerate, the rest is a no-no LOL...I was shocked to find i MISSED the workouts when i was unable to get down to do them...YIKES am becoming a gym junkie LOL...

Before i go big thanks to the man who knows for explaining how to put pics, tags etc onto journal properly :o) I will attempt later in week when have time spare...Off for some kip so am fresh and ready for tomorrows battles <G> Toodle pip xx

Relaxed :o)

Slept in what a surprise lol...Well i did actually hear the alarm and waken the boys up...Youngest wanted up early to watch nightmare on challenge even though he's seen it before...So i asked him to make sure mummy was awake and up before quarter to nine so she could have some extra time in bed...He said yes but forgot LOL...Eldest came through at 9.15 in a panic as playscheme starts at 9.30...But i said it's ok no-one is ever there dead on time anyway...Got them there not too late, came home to watch the marathon and promptly fell back to sleep...

I did get down town to the market and managed to buy a lovely big scarf/pashmina thingy for daughter for her ball...Black & purple devore velvet stuff and kept fingers crossed she'd like it as was only £15...bargain!!!...Lots of bags from france on a different stall but not any suitable for evening wear nor any gold ones...So she can go looking for one herself as i still hate shopping <g>  Wandering around the market was nice and relaxing though...Only problem is lots & lots & lots of garlic on sale and it gives me migraines and makes me sick...Anything garlic/onion does :o(  Bought myself some of those *wooden* roses...Don't like real roses but the wooden ones are nice...Had 25 for myself then decided sod it will buy 60 as a fiver for 25 or a tenner for 60...So have 2 other *bunches* one of which will give to a friend from support group who has finally been given a house by council after months of having to live in a grotty bedsit type place after she split with her hubby...She's had a pretty difficult time of it and must remember to phone see if she has keys to house yet and see what help she needs with moving stuff and decorating...Speaking of support group someone else has found us via the net so website is obviously working :o)  Maybe i should put link in fave sites bit on journal page as never know who might be reading this...Didn't buy anything else at the market as mainly foodstuffs although i was tempted by all the sweets and breads there...One trader did try to sell me some turkish delight LOL...I loathe the stuff but i make it myself and was intrigued as some was coated in coconut...I better have lost weight this week when i get weighed tomorrow or i will be annoyed and think why didn't i buy some of the nice foods yesterday LOL...

Was really good and walked back home instead of taking bus...Went and picked up the boys and got told they both had a good day...Eldest went to driving range and youngest went bowling...Youngest didn't go to driving range as he's supposed to be going there tomorrow but on way home he changed his mind...Daughter arrived home just after us and WOOHOO she loves the scarf/pashmina thing and it does go well with her ballgown...success!!!...I must get a pic done of her all poshed up and beautiful and post it on here when the ball happens next month...Have foned carer and left message saying youngest wants to go to fairground down beach instead of driving range, fingers crossed he can...They now have a ferris wheel they are calling the grampian eye and youngest has been desperate to have a go on it...Me well am severely acrophobic and idea of going on the thing fills me with dread...In saying that youngest wants to go to london to go on london eye and that i may do as the view must be stunning...Must remember to apply for holiday grant, keep forgetting duh!!...Later we're going to watch the BAFTA's, daughter not impressed but she can watch 24 tomorrow when repeated so tough...Oh before i go was a wee bit naughty on way home with the boys...Stopped at ice cream van for a cone for eldest and had one myself...It was only tiny so won't have been much points <g> Not like ice icream from where i come from originally it is to die for...Everytime we go up north to visit my mum and my sisters our first port of call is the ice cream shop :o) Am off for a nice relaxing soak in the bath now to complete the relaxing day :o) Fingers crossed the bad guy side stays away tomorrow to from youngest...Toodle pip for now xx

PS: See siggy tag didn't work way i want it too again...Will be asking for help laters from a man who can :o)

Nothing much

I know it's late and why am i making an entry at this hour...Answer is i have no idea seemed like a good one at the time :o)  I decided i need to pretty up my journal as it looks a bit bland and boring lol...Have a few name tags now and i hope i can get them to work better on here than last attempt...

Also put links to my fave sites section on....I love Anne Mccaffreys books especially the dragon series which one of her sons has now taken over and looks as being just as good...yeti sports is fun and great for de-stressing...am rubbish at playing games either online, on PC oron the PS2/gamecube etc...Space invaders is about the extent of my ability but i do like hitting those penguins...sadly the latest yeti sport one has no penguins in it <sob> ...Robbie is there as he is youngests hero and manages to keep him calmer than anything else does...so he's my hero too just for that (he's also a bit of alright in my mind)

Daughter is off out for the night staying at a friends...Youngest has been better today far more calm than yesterday or wednesday :o) He even managed to be allowed to join in a little bit with one of the cliques at sat club...Eldest showed off his new hair style to his mates at sat club and was a bit peeved when one didn't like it lol...Tomorrow or should i sat later today the boys are at day respite :o) Big international street market is on this weekend so am gonna have a wander down and look...This is first time it's co-incided with the boys being at respite so i can have a proper look around even though i loathe and detest shopping...Any males reading this don't faint with shock <G> yes am female and i do actually HATE shopping :o)

Off to bed now so nitey nite and toodle pip for now xx

 

Fuming

Not a happy bunny at all today....Was going to phone youngest school but decided to phone child & family psychiatry first....Well they haven't received a referal about him at all.....Now it was back in feb that school gp said on phone she would refer him and say it was URGENT....When he had his medical in march she still hadn't and she said she would do it when she got back to the hospital.....Now erm this is like a whole month later and she still hasn't GRRRRRRRRRR am so damned angry....Also receptionist at C & F psych said the last record they have about him is his file being closed last sept.....Now clinical psych said last aug she didn't need to see him anymore but she would keep his file open for 6 months just in case......Now i know am crap at maths but aug to sept is like ONE month not six!!!!!!  More anger GRRRRRRRR.....So after getting off phone to C & F psych, having been polite and nice to receptionist as not her fault, i phone school.....My friend who is school receptionist gets head of school to speak to me.....Friend is NOT impressed and has a son same as eldest so understands all the crap.....Head of school is even less impressed but hey school GP is away on a course....<mutters> they always away on bluddy courses.....So school GP not in until next fri now.....Now C & F told me i could get own GP to refer him...Told head this and she said to do that and she would have words with school GP next week but not tell her have also got him refered from elsewhere.....School are very very understanding....We all do think it is his hormones kicking in big time and not mixing with the autism :o(  Have actually been dreading this time arriving and eldest has coped fine with them.....This was supposed to be <lots of expletives deleted> URGENT.....Maybe if i bruised easily school GP would take more notice of me....I have been incredibly lucky i have not come across many professionals who have been complete and utter crap in the last 13 years of dealing with ASD.....When i am in really, dire, desperate need i get the worst one ever <sigh>  My mums upset as she can't help, i know she has probs told my 2 sisters and they can't help either....Mum said in good old mum fashion look just phone me and talk to me....Said erm nopes i do phone and if i was to phone everytime this happened i'd never be off the phone.....Haven't phoned best mate as she got enough problems with her bloke (next to useless him).....Did phone another friend tonight and ended up crying but hey that's what mates are for.....She has son same as youngest (cept he is a bit more calmISH)...she also has same GP and as he's popular and only works 2 days a week is very very hard to get appointment....WAs asking her if she thought if i explain i NEED to see him to get referal could they fit me in somewhere on tues.....Mon is local holiday here (my timing sucks lol).....Neither of us are sure but we do think GP will phone back if can't see him as he's good that way :o) .....Now i do wonder how neurologist (i call him neurologit) would think if he saw me now....Was tested for MS a couple of years ago as have on & off attacks of similar symptoms....Neurologist knew about boys as asked family history and says is just stress.....Well i am more stressed than ever in my life this last couple of months and hey got NO attacks of anything cept for anger.....hmmmm stairway to heaven just come on love this song....See am beginning to think i need to say am suicidal or something to get what i need for my son...Did tell friend on phone tonight i really feel like taking him somewhere and leaving him and saying 'Right deal with this NOW' This was what made me cry i love him to bits, i say i'd do that, i wouldn't not ever, just frustrated....Am not am just damned angry, frustrated and pissed off big time....He came home angry today and been angry most of the night but he didn't lash out physically (thank goodness) just verbally....He didn't break any more stuff either <phew> I refuse to get door fixed i want it seen as evidence need help....Did manage to do support group newsletter both email and royal mail ones....Going to go do a quiz or have a chat and calm down...Next time gonna do a nice entry on here LOL....Toodle pip for now xx

Bad days

Well i don't exactly to know how to word this entry politely or without embarrassment....It's so hard at times and i do need to write this down.....And i am not looking for sympathy or anything like that in the slightest.....As said before and on my blurb bit about me both my sons are autistic spectrum....Sometimes they are passive and sometimes they can be violent....I have one of each and which is worst i do not in all honesty know....Am glad i don't bruise easily at times but then at other times i think well if i did bruise easily then TPTB may see me more quickly or pay more attention to my need for help....I have always coped well with both my sons and have been extremely fortunate that i haven't had to push for diagnosis.....I haven't had to fight to get them the education they need and deserve.....I haven't had to fight for most things that others have and do need to fight for.....In those respects i have been very very lucky indeed.....BUT i NEED overnight respite, I NEED help with my youngest son desperately.....Yesterday he punched me in the throat yet again for something so insignifant......This time i told him i would phone the police as i can't cope with it anymore.....All i had done was ask him to take through some dirty dishes from his room.....I keep telling ALL my kids am a mum not a servant/slave and they have got to do their bit around the house.....This has always been a point that neither of the boys have managed to take very well.....But we do get their at times and maybe sometimes i do give up too easily but peace and quiet is easier to cope with.....Youngest is supposed to have been refered back to child & family psychiatry....I specifically asked school GP that she put down URGENT in big bold red letters on the referal.....I haven't been able to get a hold of school GP today.....Social work i have no named social worker from disabilities team just now so have to deal with a back up worker which means going through everything every time i phone them <sigh> ......If i knew for definite the referal had gone through then i could phone that dept and ask to be seen ASAP before i crack up totally and my other son and daughter do that too....I love youngest to bits same as with all 3 of them.....I know it's frustration and lack of comprehension that makes him how he is but both him and me need HELP before it gets to a point where nothing can be done.....He's so polite and caring and lovely lad then at flick of a finger turns into demon from hell.....I HATE autistic spectrum disorder.....It is so jekyll & hyde.....It's so hard to understand and even now after 13 years of dealing with it i still can;t get my head round it.....All i want is some help and maybe some meds so both my son can cope with his life and those around him can cope too.....Got to go as am in tears again writing this down but i had to.....Toodle pip for now xx

Pooh :o(

Pooh pants the pic is supposed to move <sob> oh well guess they don't in the journal never mind i loves dragons and got lots of siggys/pics of them so will tart up the journal a bit and try make it a bit more interesting LOL toodle pip for the nite and fingers crossed don't sleep in again lol xx

Try out

Boys are doing my head in fighting when supposed to be going to sleep nowt new there LOL....Just trying out something see if it works or not knowing my luck it will be NOT <g>

 

 

Oh dear!

Whoops guess who slept in big time today....What woke me was the door buzzer going for eldest lad taxi....Mad rush to get dressed and out....Oh well they still arriving early so they weren't late for school....Taxi escort thinks am well loopy and you know she may just have a point <G> ....Result of this was youngest got up loads earlier than he usually wood so he was bored waiting for his taxi LOL....As hadn't been to WW for last 2 weeks due to being ill or busy i put on weight <sigh> ....My scales said well over half a stone, WW scales said 3 lbs so guess who's chucking hers in the bin LOL....But i was good and went to gym yesterday and did workout and swim and did same this morning.....Tomorrow think will just do swim but do a lot more lengths.....I really enjoy swimming and could just do umpteen lengths for ages n ages.....Now i started using gym equpiment am too tired to do more than about 30 lengths so want to try alerternate gym n swim with just swim.....Boys really enjoyed being back to footie training again especially as back outside....Both boys seem to have settled back into school fine after the 2 weeks hols BUT next mon is local hol so off again and then the following week it's inservice on the fri and mayday the following mon....So that will be THREE 4 day weeks of school in a row....These inservice days annoy me we never got them when we were at school....Teachers didn't need extra training then....I wouldn't mind if i knew of any that were constructive and school listened ie:training in any special needs there might be in the school....The one place i know of who did have that well they didn't listen properly or implement anything taught so what was the point.....Anyways am offski for a power nap toodle pip for now xx

Back to School Hurrah!!

Hurrah easter hols are over so back to school for the boys today :o)  Phoned eldest taxi firm last night they said no change to pick up time....Really!!!!!!!  funny how taxi arrived 15 mins EARLY this morning and he also got dropped off 40 mins later!!!!....Head of base liked his hair though for ONCE <G>  Just as well cost me £35 for him to get it heavily highlighted blonde LOL....As his m8s told him it's WICKED....Got rid of daughter most of the weekend :o)  but now been adopted as mum by her best pal....Like i need another child NOT lol....Her, her best m8 and friend who was up visiting took youngest out with them bowling yesterday afternoon and i took eldest lad to spend rest of birthday money....Footie training starts again tonight but still no idea when skiing will restart <sigh>  Daughter thinks she mucked up interview at stirling uni and there are 200+ looking for 18-20 places but fingers crossed she did enough to get in....Not end of the world as she does have other offers....Finally got back to the gym this morning and feel much better for it but i am in so much trouble tonight as have put on weight duh!!!  Gonna start again and be very rigid about again.....Better go make sure boys are changed and get them to footie and me for telling off LOL....Toodle pip for now xx

Hols

Well it's halfway into 2nd week of easter hols and they haven't been too bad LOL.  Boys have been to respite playscheme 3 times :o)  Last week it was cinema for youngest and quasar for eldest on the tues, fri i forget but they weren't with me so not worried LOL.  Yesterday they went on a daytrip out as the weather was glorious.  On mon we went up north visiting my mum and sisters.  It went fine and am now officially a COOL auntie <g>  I buy cool clothes apparently so said my younger sis's oldest daughter.  Was her birthday the previous week so got her some clothes for birthday.  Last time we were visiting at that houes as they are moving soon so was kinda sad.  Mums fine just now which is good and fingers crossed stays that way after all her troubles last year.  Ex sis in law and ex bro in law were up here at weekend.  Didn't see ex bro in law :o)  Ex sis in law did come round and she had something for the kids from ex mother in law.  Their great gran died in jan and she collected the £5 coins.  As there was 5 of them ex mum in law decided to give one to each of the great grand kids to remember their great gran by which was nice.  Eldest lad passed his skiing level 3 on sat so am very proud mum.  Me and the other parents thought they were doing level 2 as last block they did level 1.  When instructor saw their books he said haven't they done level2 and we said erm nopes.  He did say that explained why they had found some of the bits tougher than he thought they would but they were still good enough to pass level3 without any probs.  Just got to wait and see when the lessons will start up again after all the hassle there has been at the ski centre in last few weeks.  Fingers crossed won't be too long.  Eldest is going off to Ardroy again with the base in may so that will be fun.  He's getting his hair cut and highlighted tomorrow at hairdressers so could be interesting.  He's not had it coloured before so hope he can cope.  I told him any colour he wants i don't mind <g>  Head of the base keeps moaning about his hair and tries to get him to flatten it down and have it dead boring and quite frankly geeky.  She wants him to fit in with his peers and thinks having it all messy and the just got out of bed look will make him stand out and not fit in!!!!!!!   I keep telling her sorry it's his hair he can do whatever he wants and besides he's being TRENDY.  She's the one making him stand out with making him wet it down and flatten it ffs.  Both him and me just ignore her now LOL.  Daughter is off out with young carers today and then getting train to stirling once she finished ice skating.  She's kipping on a pals floor tonight then got interview for stirling uni tomorrow.  Back home tomorrow evening.  She won't be returning the stuff strathclyde want back as she doesn't want to go there now after their attitude on fone and i don't blame her.  They told her they don't count and prior experience in anything social work related unless you are 21 and over!!!!!!  Also they said we rarely take on school leavers.  She has now decided if stirling turn her down then she will take up the offer to heriot watt to do languages.   She can always do a post grad in social work once she's finished.  Anyways need to get eldest lad to do his homework he had to catch up on with being off sick so toodle pips for now xx