Fuming

Not a happy bunny at all today....Was going to phone youngest school but decided to phone child & family psychiatry first....Well they haven't received a referal about him at all.....Now it was back in feb that school gp said on phone she would refer him and say it was URGENT....When he had his medical in march she still hadn't and she said she would do it when she got back to the hospital.....Now erm this is like a whole month later and she still hasn't GRRRRRRRRRR am so damned angry....Also receptionist at C & F psych said the last record they have about him is his file being closed last sept.....Now clinical psych said last aug she didn't need to see him anymore but she would keep his file open for 6 months just in case......Now i know am crap at maths but aug to sept is like ONE month not six!!!!!!  More anger GRRRRRRRR.....So after getting off phone to C & F psych, having been polite and nice to receptionist as not her fault, i phone school.....My friend who is school receptionist gets head of school to speak to me.....Friend is NOT impressed and has a son same as eldest so understands all the crap.....Head of school is even less impressed but hey school GP is away on a course....<mutters> they always away on bluddy courses.....So school GP not in until next fri now.....Now C & F told me i could get own GP to refer him...Told head this and she said to do that and she would have words with school GP next week but not tell her have also got him refered from elsewhere.....School are very very understanding....We all do think it is his hormones kicking in big time and not mixing with the autism :o(  Have actually been dreading this time arriving and eldest has coped fine with them.....This was supposed to be <lots of expletives deleted> URGENT.....Maybe if i bruised easily school GP would take more notice of me....I have been incredibly lucky i have not come across many professionals who have been complete and utter crap in the last 13 years of dealing with ASD.....When i am in really, dire, desperate need i get the worst one ever <sigh>  My mums upset as she can't help, i know she has probs told my 2 sisters and they can't help either....Mum said in good old mum fashion look just phone me and talk to me....Said erm nopes i do phone and if i was to phone everytime this happened i'd never be off the phone.....Haven't phoned best mate as she got enough problems with her bloke (next to useless him).....Did phone another friend tonight and ended up crying but hey that's what mates are for.....She has son same as youngest (cept he is a bit more calmISH)...she also has same GP and as he's popular and only works 2 days a week is very very hard to get appointment....WAs asking her if she thought if i explain i NEED to see him to get referal could they fit me in somewhere on tues.....Mon is local holiday here (my timing sucks lol).....Neither of us are sure but we do think GP will phone back if can't see him as he's good that way :o) .....Now i do wonder how neurologist (i call him neurologit) would think if he saw me now....Was tested for MS a couple of years ago as have on & off attacks of similar symptoms....Neurologist knew about boys as asked family history and says is just stress.....Well i am more stressed than ever in my life this last couple of months and hey got NO attacks of anything cept for anger.....hmmmm stairway to heaven just come on love this song....See am beginning to think i need to say am suicidal or something to get what i need for my son...Did tell friend on phone tonight i really feel like taking him somewhere and leaving him and saying 'Right deal with this NOW' This was what made me cry i love him to bits, i say i'd do that, i wouldn't not ever, just frustrated....Am not am just damned angry, frustrated and pissed off big time....He came home angry today and been angry most of the night but he didn't lash out physically (thank goodness) just verbally....He didn't break any more stuff either <phew> I refuse to get door fixed i want it seen as evidence need help....Did manage to do support group newsletter both email and royal mail ones....Going to go do a quiz or have a chat and calm down...Next time gonna do a nice entry on here LOL....Toodle pip for now xx

Bad days

Well i don't exactly to know how to word this entry politely or without embarrassment....It's so hard at times and i do need to write this down.....And i am not looking for sympathy or anything like that in the slightest.....As said before and on my blurb bit about me both my sons are autistic spectrum....Sometimes they are passive and sometimes they can be violent....I have one of each and which is worst i do not in all honesty know....Am glad i don't bruise easily at times but then at other times i think well if i did bruise easily then TPTB may see me more quickly or pay more attention to my need for help....I have always coped well with both my sons and have been extremely fortunate that i haven't had to push for diagnosis.....I haven't had to fight to get them the education they need and deserve.....I haven't had to fight for most things that others have and do need to fight for.....In those respects i have been very very lucky indeed.....BUT i NEED overnight respite, I NEED help with my youngest son desperately.....Yesterday he punched me in the throat yet again for something so insignifant......This time i told him i would phone the police as i can't cope with it anymore.....All i had done was ask him to take through some dirty dishes from his room.....I keep telling ALL my kids am a mum not a servant/slave and they have got to do their bit around the house.....This has always been a point that neither of the boys have managed to take very well.....But we do get their at times and maybe sometimes i do give up too easily but peace and quiet is easier to cope with.....Youngest is supposed to have been refered back to child & family psychiatry....I specifically asked school GP that she put down URGENT in big bold red letters on the referal.....I haven't been able to get a hold of school GP today.....Social work i have no named social worker from disabilities team just now so have to deal with a back up worker which means going through everything every time i phone them <sigh> ......If i knew for definite the referal had gone through then i could phone that dept and ask to be seen ASAP before i crack up totally and my other son and daughter do that too....I love youngest to bits same as with all 3 of them.....I know it's frustration and lack of comprehension that makes him how he is but both him and me need HELP before it gets to a point where nothing can be done.....He's so polite and caring and lovely lad then at flick of a finger turns into demon from hell.....I HATE autistic spectrum disorder.....It is so jekyll & hyde.....It's so hard to understand and even now after 13 years of dealing with it i still can;t get my head round it.....All i want is some help and maybe some meds so both my son can cope with his life and those around him can cope too.....Got to go as am in tears again writing this down but i had to.....Toodle pip for now xx

Pooh :o(

Pooh pants the pic is supposed to move <sob> oh well guess they don't in the journal never mind i loves dragons and got lots of siggys/pics of them so will tart up the journal a bit and try make it a bit more interesting LOL toodle pip for the nite and fingers crossed don't sleep in again lol xx

Try out

Boys are doing my head in fighting when supposed to be going to sleep nowt new there LOL....Just trying out something see if it works or not knowing my luck it will be NOT <g>

 

 

Oh dear!

Whoops guess who slept in big time today....What woke me was the door buzzer going for eldest lad taxi....Mad rush to get dressed and out....Oh well they still arriving early so they weren't late for school....Taxi escort thinks am well loopy and you know she may just have a point <G> ....Result of this was youngest got up loads earlier than he usually wood so he was bored waiting for his taxi LOL....As hadn't been to WW for last 2 weeks due to being ill or busy i put on weight <sigh> ....My scales said well over half a stone, WW scales said 3 lbs so guess who's chucking hers in the bin LOL....But i was good and went to gym yesterday and did workout and swim and did same this morning.....Tomorrow think will just do swim but do a lot more lengths.....I really enjoy swimming and could just do umpteen lengths for ages n ages.....Now i started using gym equpiment am too tired to do more than about 30 lengths so want to try alerternate gym n swim with just swim.....Boys really enjoyed being back to footie training again especially as back outside....Both boys seem to have settled back into school fine after the 2 weeks hols BUT next mon is local hol so off again and then the following week it's inservice on the fri and mayday the following mon....So that will be THREE 4 day weeks of school in a row....These inservice days annoy me we never got them when we were at school....Teachers didn't need extra training then....I wouldn't mind if i knew of any that were constructive and school listened ie:training in any special needs there might be in the school....The one place i know of who did have that well they didn't listen properly or implement anything taught so what was the point.....Anyways am offski for a power nap toodle pip for now xx

Back to School Hurrah!!

Hurrah easter hols are over so back to school for the boys today :o)  Phoned eldest taxi firm last night they said no change to pick up time....Really!!!!!!!  funny how taxi arrived 15 mins EARLY this morning and he also got dropped off 40 mins later!!!!....Head of base liked his hair though for ONCE <G>  Just as well cost me £35 for him to get it heavily highlighted blonde LOL....As his m8s told him it's WICKED....Got rid of daughter most of the weekend :o)  but now been adopted as mum by her best pal....Like i need another child NOT lol....Her, her best m8 and friend who was up visiting took youngest out with them bowling yesterday afternoon and i took eldest lad to spend rest of birthday money....Footie training starts again tonight but still no idea when skiing will restart <sigh>  Daughter thinks she mucked up interview at stirling uni and there are 200+ looking for 18-20 places but fingers crossed she did enough to get in....Not end of the world as she does have other offers....Finally got back to the gym this morning and feel much better for it but i am in so much trouble tonight as have put on weight duh!!!  Gonna start again and be very rigid about again.....Better go make sure boys are changed and get them to footie and me for telling off LOL....Toodle pip for now xx

Hols

Well it's halfway into 2nd week of easter hols and they haven't been too bad LOL.  Boys have been to respite playscheme 3 times :o)  Last week it was cinema for youngest and quasar for eldest on the tues, fri i forget but they weren't with me so not worried LOL.  Yesterday they went on a daytrip out as the weather was glorious.  On mon we went up north visiting my mum and sisters.  It went fine and am now officially a COOL auntie <g>  I buy cool clothes apparently so said my younger sis's oldest daughter.  Was her birthday the previous week so got her some clothes for birthday.  Last time we were visiting at that houes as they are moving soon so was kinda sad.  Mums fine just now which is good and fingers crossed stays that way after all her troubles last year.  Ex sis in law and ex bro in law were up here at weekend.  Didn't see ex bro in law :o)  Ex sis in law did come round and she had something for the kids from ex mother in law.  Their great gran died in jan and she collected the £5 coins.  As there was 5 of them ex mum in law decided to give one to each of the great grand kids to remember their great gran by which was nice.  Eldest lad passed his skiing level 3 on sat so am very proud mum.  Me and the other parents thought they were doing level 2 as last block they did level 1.  When instructor saw their books he said haven't they done level2 and we said erm nopes.  He did say that explained why they had found some of the bits tougher than he thought they would but they were still good enough to pass level3 without any probs.  Just got to wait and see when the lessons will start up again after all the hassle there has been at the ski centre in last few weeks.  Fingers crossed won't be too long.  Eldest is going off to Ardroy again with the base in may so that will be fun.  He's getting his hair cut and highlighted tomorrow at hairdressers so could be interesting.  He's not had it coloured before so hope he can cope.  I told him any colour he wants i don't mind <g>  Head of the base keeps moaning about his hair and tries to get him to flatten it down and have it dead boring and quite frankly geeky.  She wants him to fit in with his peers and thinks having it all messy and the just got out of bed look will make him stand out and not fit in!!!!!!!   I keep telling her sorry it's his hair he can do whatever he wants and besides he's being TRENDY.  She's the one making him stand out with making him wet it down and flatten it ffs.  Both him and me just ignore her now LOL.  Daughter is off out with young carers today and then getting train to stirling once she finished ice skating.  She's kipping on a pals floor tonight then got interview for stirling uni tomorrow.  Back home tomorrow evening.  She won't be returning the stuff strathclyde want back as she doesn't want to go there now after their attitude on fone and i don't blame her.  They told her they don't count and prior experience in anything social work related unless you are 21 and over!!!!!!  Also they said we rarely take on school leavers.  She has now decided if stirling turn her down then she will take up the offer to heriot watt to do languages.   She can always do a post grad in social work once she's finished.  Anyways need to get eldest lad to do his homework he had to catch up on with being off sick so toodle pips for now xx